Running has changed my life.
In the weeks and months after
Quinn died, darkness and depression filled my days over and over again, but I kept faith that I could fight it. It was hard though, to
keep this faith, because I knew that my brain was changed and different after
Quinn died. I was desperate and
searching for a way to regain my balance.
During my 6 week
post-partum doctor appointment, I asked if I could start running again.
She said yes. “So…I can go home right now and run? Then run again
tomorrow?” I asked. “Absolutely,” she responded. That day, I
went on my first run (well, “run” is a strong word. Let’s call it a
shuffle). When I got back from my shuffle, I felt a little better.
I felt like I could beat the grief and not let it take over me in the form of
depression. That feeling lasted the rest of the day, but then I woke up
the next day once again filled with darkness and depression. My body was
so out of shape, from nearly a year of being on “restricted activity” during my
pregnancy, that my body didn't allow me to run every day.
For a few weeks, I managed
to go on my shuffle “runs” a couple days a week, and was on an emotional
rollercoaster. On a running day – lighter thoughts, feelings, and hope
trickled into my head. On the days that my body was so sore I could
barely walk down the stairs, deep sadness and darkness crept back in. My
poor husband had to deal with me as I traveled up and down on this emotional
journey.
Now, 6 weeks after the
doctor’s OK to run, my shuffles are turning into jogs which are
slowly starting to resemble a “run.” I can go further and more
often, which keeps my mood more consistent, with fewer trips on the ups and
downs of the rollercoaster. Moreover, the effects of running have been
lasting longer. Now, the positive feeling I get from a
run doesn't disappear the next day, but often lasts until my
next run, where I recharge my brain.
I believe and have
experienced that running has reprogrammed my
brain. I've heard that running boosts endorphins in your brain,
but what I’ve felt is different. I believe running has actually changed my brain. I am a huge proponent to exercise and so curious
about its effects, that I looked into it a little more. I found a lot of articles comparing the effects of antidepressants on the brain to the
effects of running - which releases endorphins and stimulates the
neurotransmitter norepinephrine, both enhancing mood.
Still, I thought there was
something more. If you haven’t experienced severe tragedy, it may be hard
to understand, but I felt like part of my brain died and now it is growing
back. Studies have shown that running stimulates the brain to grow fresh grey
matter, which has a big impact on mental ability. The article says, “A few
days of running led to the growth of hundreds of thousands of new brain cells.” In order for the brain to stay be healthy, it needs the
growth of fresh brain cells, which happens while running.
Wow. I have experienced first-hand the psychological
and physical effects of running and how it can actually change your life, but
I’m inspired now more than ever to stick with it and to be an advocate for
exercise. Running can change your brain and literally
change your life.
…
PS – I
just came across another article that explains how meditation also creates new
grey matter in the brain. Another one of my beat the grief efforts!
...
The articles I mention above are as follows:
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