Mondays – Honoring Quinn

Not unheard of for someone whose baby arrived stillborn two and a half months ago, I still feel very sad and lost.  My journey to allow happiness to sit beside grief will be long and may take many months (years).  However, I think I can take steps to feel less lost.  One goal I have is to be more intentional about honoring Quinn.  I always think about her, I cry for her every day, and light a candle for her each evening.  However, this doesn’t seem like enough and I think it would help if I honored her in a more physical and tangible way. 

Every Monday I plan on blogging about how I will honor Quinn that week.  I think this might help me feel more connected to her and less lost.  Who knows, maybe this will even make me take one step toward happiness. 

This week I will doodle her name.  I’ll write the little love notes that I wish I could leave for her in her lunch bag and look at the note that I wish she could one day write me.  I’ll write the monogram that she’ll never have on her book bag.  I’ll imagine how she would write her name at age 11, using hearts to dot her i’s.  I’ll wonder the name of the boy she’ll like in middle school that she would doodle, “Quinn + ___.”  I’ll imagine what her hurried signature would look like when she signed her driver’s license paperwork and the careful signature that she would sign on her wedding certificate.  I’ll doodle it on my notes in a work meeting so others can think of her too.  I’ll write her name with fierce love for me and others to see.