For some, the new year may be an exciting time, fresh with
hope and possibility. For me, and other
grieving moms, it is overwhelming and quite frankly, depressing. 2015 brought me a lot of darkness and grief, which
began with the stillbirth of my daughter Quinn in February and ended with a
miscarriage at 9 weeks in December.
Knowing that 2016 will be another year living without Quinn and will not
bring the birth of a living child has made me reflect deeply on what the new
year means to me.
Above all, I decided that this year will be a year dedicated
to living in the present. In
addition to a new layer of grief, my miscarriage reignited a lot of the fears
and anxieties that I was beginning to manage after the stillbirth of my
daughter. For me, living in the present
is a survival skill and the only option. My mantra to survive
the day – and the new year - is: “Live the moment.”
My other outlooks for the year include:
Living a year of gratitude.
Despite the darkness and grief, I have so many things and people to be
grateful for. I want this to be a year
of focusing on what I’m grateful and thankful for instead of focusing on what I
don’t have, all while grieving in a healthy way. BrenĂ© Brown gives me much inspiration in this
department.
Remembering that people are gifts. We are not eternal and the people in our lives are gifts that we get to keep for a while. It's time to cherish them. After my losses in 2015, I have a new perspective on this too. I am truly grateful for the wonderful people in my life and I want to live with a greater sense of this appreciation.
Building my bond with my living child. I am more aware now than ever that my living
child is a true miracle in my life. I
want to spend the year nurturing this, building our relationship, and creating
memories. She is the light that
brightens my heart and soul.
Focusing on my health and fitness (and my family’s). Getting strong inside and out: getting fresh
air, making exercise fun for the family, and eating more whole foods and less
meat.