The mornings are the hardest. There is a moment when I transition from sleep to awake,
where I do not yet have consciousness.
It is a moment where my eyes are still closed and I am at peace and have
calm. A moment when everything is
ok…like I could open my eyes and the truth would be different. But when consciousness takes over and
my eyes open, I am back to reality.
Quinn is gone. My baby is
gone. Why, oh why did she have to
go. It hurts so much to be brought
to this cruel reality morning after morning. This is when I have the deepest sorrow and yearning for
Quinn. Every morning I go from the
peacefulness of my preconscious state to the painful truth that consciousness
has brought me.
Day after day when this consciousness strikes me I have to
decide if I am going succumb to the sorrow and spend time missing her and
crying for her, or if I am going to take a breath, hold back the tears and get
out of bed. It varies each
day. Some days I need to cry for
her, and Josh understands. Other
days, I have the strength and courage to face the day right away.
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