Dear Quinn

I have no dates or times for these early entries – the days following Quinn’s arrival are a blur.

Dear Quinn, I close my eyes and see your beautiful face.  So peaceful and quiet.  I wait for your eyes to flutter and for your nose to wiggle.  I close my eyes and see you and R running around the house giggling and squealing in joy.  Then I am jolted from my dreamy thoughts in truth’s terror that you are gone.  I howl through the night, begging for it not to be true. 

Dear Quinn, you are perfect, so beautiful.  You look different than R, but so similar.  You have the same nose, the same dark blue eyes.  I held you so tight, and sang to you and rocked you.  I kissed you and nuzzled my nose to yours.  Did you feel it?  I howled when they took you from me.  When it was time to say goodbye, forever. 

Dear Quinn, one day, we will meet you in heaven, hold you, and care for you.  Until then, our love for you is fierce and raw.  You are held tightly in our hearts and spirits.  We mourn you.  We miss you. We love you.  We celebrate you.

My dear, sweet Quinn, you left this world in innocence and purity.  My angel.  The only world you knew was inside of me.  Sleep peacefully, my angel.  I grew you for 40 weeks, and missed you by 48 hours only.  How I yearn for you.