My first baby encounter was hard, but my first pregnancy
encounter was harder. Not pregnant
women that are family or close friends - I’ve been around them, and I’m
ok. They get it, they know my
story. And unfortunately, I have
brought (hopefully unnecessary) worry to their own pregnancies. I feel horrible about that. It’s pregnant strangers. I look at them and remember the
excitement and anticipation I had when I had that plump belly. My hand shoots to my stomach hoping
I’ll find the roundness of pregnancy and even some baby kicks. Instead, my hand is disappointed with a
sagging belly that is void and empty of where baby so recently inhabited.
I’m nostalgic for the ignorant bliss I felt during the last several weeks of my pregnancy. We had our obstacles during my first and second trimesters - including 2 subchorionic bleeds and a short cervix diagnosis - but during the last few weeks of pregnancy, I was so blissfully ignorant. We celebrated when we finally made it to 37 weeks after many months of restricted activity and some prescribed bed rest. Even better, we made it to our due date! We were sure that everything was ok now. We made it full term and there had to be a happy ending. During those last weeks, I could finally be excited that this baby was really coming and I didn’t have to worry anymore. It was so liberating and joyous. We didn’t know. We were so ignorant. In watching the pregnant mom at the playground, I fought very hard to keep back my tears. They filled my eyes but I bit my lip and turned the other way. As soon as I took my first step away from the playground, I cried. I always do.
I’m nostalgic for the ignorant bliss I felt during the last several weeks of my pregnancy. We had our obstacles during my first and second trimesters - including 2 subchorionic bleeds and a short cervix diagnosis - but during the last few weeks of pregnancy, I was so blissfully ignorant. We celebrated when we finally made it to 37 weeks after many months of restricted activity and some prescribed bed rest. Even better, we made it to our due date! We were sure that everything was ok now. We made it full term and there had to be a happy ending. During those last weeks, I could finally be excited that this baby was really coming and I didn’t have to worry anymore. It was so liberating and joyous. We didn’t know. We were so ignorant. In watching the pregnant mom at the playground, I fought very hard to keep back my tears. They filled my eyes but I bit my lip and turned the other way. As soon as I took my first step away from the playground, I cried. I always do.
No comments:
Post a Comment