Thursday, August 6, 2015

Jessica's Grief Wish List

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by family and friends who are supportive and “get it.”  But, for the rest of the world who doesn’t, here is my “Grief Wish List” (inspired by the wildly circulated “My Grief Wish List” I posted yesterday).

Grief wish list after stillbirth

Grief Wish List

I wish you would speak her name.  I love hearing it and seeing it.  Don’t be scared if I cry when I hear/see it, you have touched me.

When you find out my daughter died, I wish you asked me her name and how she died.  Please don’t be so quick to change the subject.  I would actually really like to share her with you.

I wish you recognized Riley as a big sister.  She will do many things in her lifetime to keep Quinn’s memory alive that grant her “big sister” status.

Thank you for being sensitive, but I wish you treated me like normal.  I want to be included in the social invites, the picture sharing, and the storytelling – I will decide if I want to participate but please at least include me.  Excluding me makes me feel even more isolated.

I wish you told me you are still thinking about Quinn.  Don’t think you will upset me if you talk about her.  Quite the opposite – it’s nice to know that someone else is still there with me as her death is something I will be dealing with and thinking about for the rest of my life.

I wish you knew that my daughter’s stillbirth is something that I think about every single day.

I wish you knew that the upcoming holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries terrify me. 

I wish you knew that my daughter’s stillbirth has changed me.  I have intense fears and anxieties that may be hard to understand, but I also love harder and live with a bigger consciousness of meaning. 

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