Even though I am surrounded by many supportive people, I could still identify with this list on so many levels. Inspired by this idea, I am writing my own "Grief Wish List."
I found "My Grief Wish List," along with several other great resources, at: http://www.bosplace.org/resource-library/educational-handouts.
My Grief Wish List
Author Unknown
I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one’s name. They lived and
were important and I need to hear their name.
If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that
it isn’t because you have hurt me: the fact they have died has caused my
tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional
outbursts are healing.
I wish you wouldn’t let my loved one die again by removing from your home
his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.
I will have emotional highs and lows, up and down. I wish you wouldn’t think
that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day, I
need psychiatric counseling.
I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and
must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you
wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse or a pet.
Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t stay away
from me.
I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact
very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the
questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few
years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics I will
never be ‘cured’ or a ‘formerly bereaved’, but forever a ‘recovering’ from my
bereavement.
I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or
lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illness and be
accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.
Our loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of his death and the holidays are
terrible times for us. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about
them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are
thinking about them and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.
I wish you wouldn’t offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party. This is
just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to
experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person
I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you
keep waiting for me to get back to ‘my old self’, you will stay frustrated. I
am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and
beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me: maybe you will still like me.
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