Beat the grief

After a recent experience that left me feeling like I was regressing with my healing journey instead of progressing, I decided it’s time to go all in.  Lately I have felt the grief tugging at my marriage and that was enough to quickly sober me. 

I often feel the grief creep in and start to slowly overcome me.  It affects my relationships with other people, unfortunately including my husband.  First it enters my heart, then it spreads to my mind, and then it extends through all appendages until it has triumphed by conquering me.  No more. 

I am dedicating this page to beating the grief.  Over time, I will explore how I can be aware of my grief and hold it in a healthy way.  I’m done with it taking over, blinding me, and tugging at the relationships that I hold so dearly in my life.  How will I gain awareness of my grief and let it be in my life in a healthy way?  I’m not sure yet.  Yoga?  Probably.  Meditation?  Already started.  Writing?  It’s my lifeline.  Running?  Couldn’t survive without it.  What else will help?

Start calling me a healing junky because I am going all in.  I hope this awareness brings me to a better place. 

4/25/15 – Soul Run

I knew running would be a good place to start my “beat the grief” movement.  It is the only place where I feel like I can be with my grief in a healthy way.  I can stomp and slap the pavement as a physical release of it.  The grief can come into my body and swirl around, but I can fight it.  Instead of it settling on my heart and mind, I can stomp it, hit it, and make it storm away.  After I have conquered the battle, I have the space in my body to let beauty and love into my heart and mind.

Aside from breaks while pregnant, I have been a runner for several years.  The old me usually goes on a calculated run through neighborhoods and on sidewalks.  The new me – the me that was birthed today to beat the grief – goes on soul runs.  These are runs that let our marvelous Mother Nature fill my soul with beauty and quiet.  Quinn taught me that life is short, and there is no better day than today to go on my soul run.  Why save it for perfect weather or a special occasion?  Today is the day.  Today is the day to beat the grief.