Mother’s Day marks the one-year anniversary of my Run to
Heal project. I have been so honored to
accompany many loving parents on their journey toward healing after child loss
by dedicating a run to their baby who is gone too soon. It was this day one year ago when I called
out for help as I approached my first Mother’s Day as a bereaved parent. I asked people to dedicate a workout to Quinn
and I received an overwhelming response that truly lifted my spirit. I decided to carry forward this spirit of
love and remembrance, and dedicate runs to other babies who have died.
As I wearily approached my second Mother’s Day as a bereaved
parent, I was worried and stressed. How
could I face everyone’s happy families who got to see, touch, and hold all
their children? How would I manage my
feelings of jealously for their wholeness that I face nearly every day?
On this Mother’s Day, I dug deep to make it meaningful for
me. Instead of projecting my hurt on
other people, I focused on being present with my family – which exists in life and death. There was nothing more I wanted than to have
a low key day with my living daughter and hang out by my deceased daughter’s
memorial tree. So that’s what we
did. It really warmed my heart to see
Riley playing on the playground next to Quinn’s tree. It is the one place I can go where both my
daughters can (almost) be together. Next,
Josh installed the memorial plaque to Quinn’s tree, which made my heart sing. There is something very healing about having
public recognition of her name and life.
In the afternoon I circled back to the milestone of this
Mother’s Day and dedicated a run to not only my stillborn daughter Quinn, but
to my living daughter Riley. It was a
day to remember and honor the fact that I am a mother to Quinn in death as much
as I’m a mother to Riley in life.
In the glorious sunshine, I took my full heart of love for Quinn
and Riley onto the trail. I made an
early stop to take their picture together on Quinn’s tree in the park then
continued on the trail that led me to the dense forest then open fields. I delighted in the new blooms, which brought
new scents on the trail. To be able to
revel in the wonder of nature while holding my daughters tightly in my heart is
a true gift.
Although Mother’s Day will always be different than I had
once dreamed, this year marked a little healing and a reminder to let love and
light into my life.
About run to heal:
I run to heal. It’s where I learn to hold my grief in my heart as love. It’s where I practice putting one foot in front of another. It’s where I honor Quinn and other babies who are gone too soon from stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death. In preparation for my first Mother’s Day as a parent to both a living and dead child, I asked my friends and community to dedicate a workout to Quinn. This was a powerful, soulful, and healing experience. I felt lifted up and loved by the community. I was humbled that so many people carried Quinn’s spirit with them. I hope to accompany others on their journey after child loss and hold them and their son or daughter in my heart. It is an opportunity for me to honor their child and learn their story. Together, we will learn how to put one foot in front of the other and run to heal. Dedicate a run here.
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